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Dear Bethany,
First, thank you for your articles and for letting us fellow creatives pick your brain. I just found out I am pregnant with my first child and my agent is having me book out for the next year for birth and recovery. It is a welcome break because I am so nauseous and tired. BUT, we have had nothing but forced breaks these past four years in the industry. I know going to classes and workshops will help me stay current in skills but is there anything else you recommend for a new mama/actor who feels like one more forced break is going to topple over the already shaky house of cards she's built?
“Charlotte”
Dear “Charlotte”,
First of all - congratulations! From the way you write, this sounds like a life milestone that you’ve been looking forward to. Every pregnancy, every body, every birth, every child is different. I hope the nausea and exhaustion means you are in your first trimester and that by the second, you will be filled with a new burst of energy as your body realizes its own amazingness in growing and sustaining a person. But there’s no way to know how your body will react to this specific pregnancy, you’ll have to take it moment to moment, one day at a time. You will get through it.
Second of all - fire your agent.
I’m serious.
Perhaps this forced break came from a place of genuine caring and concern for you. Perhaps it came from a place of ignorance, not understanding that we are no longer in the 1950’s and that pregnant bodies are allowed to appear on our televisions with no explanation of how they got that way. Either way, it is unconscionable that a break is being forced on you for that reason and for that long.
If you choose to say “I’d like to take a break for now because I feel nauseous all the time, I’ll let you know when I’m starting to feel better again”, then you should absolutely do that! And if you end up taking a whole year away, as long as you’re in a situation to be able to do that, then wonderful! You should do what’s right for you.
What I feel is happening though, is that your agent doesn’t want to go to the extra bother of making a note when you are cast, that you will be visibly pregnant, or checking in with you on set to make sure you’re safe under the circumstances. Your agent has probably been burned before by productions (what? Generally run by men?) not knowing how to handle maternity clothes in wardrobe, or feeling incredibly paternalistic about an actual pregnant body on their (what they have just now discovered to be an actually very) nasty set. But that’s not your fault, or your pregnant body’s fault. And you have just discovered that your agent is not working for you. You are the CEO of your company and that is a fireable offense.
I had an extremely hard time getting work and auditions while I was pregnant, which I’ve written about before. At the time, I was working mostly smaller co-star roles and it still makes no sense to me why the person who hands someone their coffee or checks them in at the hotel, could not be pregnant. It’s a shame that our industry sees it as a liability rather than a way to support artists who want to flourish at all stages of life. Nonetheless, I was able to book a few jobs, pregnant body and all. That your agent won’t even try, makes me wonder what else they will not try for you.
As for postpartum, I auditioned for Ozark 13 days after my second child was born. I remember because it was my own birthday. When she was about a week old, I told my agents I was ready to start taping things again - because I was! And that was just for me, you will have to listen to your own body and mental readiness. For me, it had nothing to do with “strength” or “hard-workingness” or a bootstrap-pulling-attitude. I was ready to have a reason to leave the house once in a while!
My postpartum body was on set, covered in a pregnant belly pad when the baby was 6 weeks old and I continued a day here, a day there for the next 4 or 5 months. Production made sure I had what I needed to pump breast milk and I loved being there and loved getting home to the babies too. That worked gloriously for me but it will be different for every person - what and when you are ready.
Your body may not be ready to go to work, your life circumstances may not allow you to go back to work, but your agent doesn’t get to decide that - you do.
That answers part of your question, what can you do to stay current in your skills (don’t stop auditioning if you don’t want to - push back against The Way Things Are). But since the world still is the way it is, things very well may slow down anyway, and if you are in need of a break - here are a few more ideas:
Don’t be afraid of rest! What a marvelous chance to really listen to your body. Listening, reacting to, taking care of your body will go on to serve you forever as an actor and a human.
Watch TV. Enjoy some screen time! Which, before too long, you’ll be getting creative to keep a little one away from. Find a new actor you love and see what they’ve written or spoken about their own career. Find a role you love and see if you can scrounge up the script somewhere to study for yourself.
Read! Plays, particularly. If you’ve never been a big theatre go-er, (well now is a great chance to go see some plays too) google classic roles that are in your age-range. Find them at your library or order them from thrift books or eBay. Read them out loud. Get a friend to work a scene or two with you, in person or over zoom. Stoke that thing that burns inside of you to interpret words into something alive and actionable and glorious, don’t let the fire go out.
Then of course, sure, do all the tedious stuff that we always forget when we’re flush with auditions and work, like updating your Actors Access account, IMDb, resumes, reels, etc. Make a list of the things you’d like to have updated professionally before the baby arrives, spread them out between enjoying other life things like tea with a friend not based around anyone’s nap or feeding time (except your own, of course!).
Certainly do a few classes or workshops if you can afford them, but don’t just do them to stay busy. Think about the areas you’d like to grown in - is it confidence in your self-tape? Is it really being in your body when you’re on set? Is there an accent you’ve been asked to do but never felt truly confident in? Ask around and find out the best class for the particular area you’re looking to strengthen.
Get creative. Watch a bunch of YouTube tutorials on that dialect you want to perfect or a glowy no-makeup, makeup look.
Finally, but most importantly, don’t neglect your community. They will be your life line as you navigate the waters ahead. They will rush in when your babysitter cancels last minute and you have to get to set. They will bring you meals when you can’t get out of bed, and wash your dishes while the baby naps so you can finally take a shower. Keep those relationships nourished, they will quite literally nourish you too!
You are embarking on an act of hope. Believing that the world is good and beautiful enough to bring a child into. There acts of hope that many of us partake in that do not involve child bearing and rearing - planting gardens, volunteering, caring for elderly relatives, making a hard choice about your own medical care, loving an animal or four, speaking out about an injustice, making a meal for a neighbor, or really listening to someone. None of these acts of hope make you a better person or citizen than any of the others. None of them, in my opinion, should allow you to have moral high ground over anyone else or be allowed, say, an extra vote in a democracy. But they are all acts that help bend the arc of the universe toward something that looks like Beauty and Goodness.
Being an actor will help you be a creative parent, being a parent will deepen your art. It’s going to be very difficult to do both sometimes, but you will keep figuring it out just like you will this situation with your agent.
We’re all rooting for you.
Truly,
Bethany
And now, your weekly bonuses…
One Obsession Away
Wherein I share what I am obsessed with this week.
Notable and Quotable
“I’d rather regret the risks that didn’t work out, than the chances I didn’t take at all.”
~Simone Biles
Podcast Interview Alert
Those of you interested in this line of thought, as well as the other STUFF you know I’m always gonna get into… here’s a podcast interview I did with the lovely Sara Burris on The Stay at Home Actor Podcast.
Bethany I absolutely love this post! HOOOOOOO wild applause! I struggled really hard getting cast when I was pregnant as well. I don’t understand it. I had an audition that would have filmed right after my baby was due. It was a zoom audition and I was about to pop and it turned into the worst audition of my life. Basically the first thing casting said was “so we saw you’re pregnant. *really fake demeanor for this next word* Congratulations! If cast, are you going to be able to find childcare? Oh, and are you going to have problems with separation anxiety?” I was honestly ready to hop off the zoom right then, but I ended up deciding that if I had been offered the role, I would have told them I was no longer available. After that zoom, I immediately texted all of my agents (none of whom had gotten me that particular audition thank goodness) and told them that after April 15th, I was requesting that they never notify casting that I was pregnant/a new mother ever again. I figure it’s not casting’s business, as they don’t need to know about my home! I was also blatantly told at a background gig (I no longer do those, but I did then) that I should not be there while pregnant because what if I faint? As soon as I had my son, I never breathed a word about it to any casting director and I keep my son off of my socials for numerous reasons that me and my husband feel are right. And my bookings and auditions suddenly super coincidentally started happening again immediately afterward. I am so happy you made this post and are encouraging pregnant women to stay in charge of their careers, because this industry has a little dark side with the discrimination of pregnant women. I’m not sure why women have been dealing with it for so long but I am hopeful that more will stand up like this as time goes on! Just, a million YESes to this post!