A quick welcome to you and question to myself
Or “hi there, why am I doing this?? Why am I doing this now??”
Within 4 short (longest of your life) years, our world shut down for a pandemic, then our industry shut down over rampant corporate greed that two unions simultaneously agreed was not sustainable for its workers. An IATSE strike may well be on its way. Meanwhile, most of the non-celebrity among us haven’t even come close to making up what has been lost in these years. Monetary losses, relational losses, career trajectories that feel trashed and, perhaps most haunting, the loss of doing the work. Of having no outlet to express the things inside us.
The unexpressed may be the hardest part.
We are observers and feelers, those of us who have chosen this strange occupation of embodying the human experience for others to watch, judge, laugh at, empathize with, be moved by. And there have been feelings in the last years. Feel. Ings. But the two I’m hearing the most among my friends and colleagues are fear and grief.
Fear of what the industry is going to look like in the coming days, months, years.
Grief that the age of plentiful job opportunities may have passed.
Fear that there won’t be a place for me in this new industry.
Grief that my career and life may look very different.
Fear that I am unwanted to do the thing I love.
Grief that I am unwanted to do the thing I love.
That I am unwanted, unvalued, unlikely to matter.
The unexpressed will always keep us isolated.
A few years ago I walked into my living room and one of my children who was about 3 at the time was pants down on the floor, examining their nether regions. Using my most casual I-am-not-shaming-you voice, I suggested that they move this activity to the bedroom or bathroom and was quickly informed: “MOMMA. IT’S MY QUESTION.”
Is Community Possible
…is my question. If there is a space where fear and grief are allowed, not dismissed, I wonder if they can grow into something else?
Is community an antidote to corporate greed? Is my question. Is community an answer to the hustle culture being sold by our peers and used by our industry to gaslight us into thinking we aren’t “successful” because we haven’t worked hard enough? Is my question. Is community an avenue to showing the inequities and isms rampant in our industry? Is my question.
Would being honest about the trials, heartaches and also joys of this career be more fulfilling than a personal brand that always has to perform success?
These are my questions
I’m going to start sharing some of my personal stories soon. But I’m curious, what are your questions? Where do you feel isolated? What do you think often goes unexpressed among colleagues?
I was with some very dear actor friends recently and as I was listening to their stories, I asked myself what in the world I thought I was doing with this newsletter? My stories are no better or worse than theirs, than yours. They’re certainly not more important. And that’s when I remembered… maybe if I can express what it’s like inside my story, you won’t feel alone in yours. Maybe you’ll find a way to express your story too.
Commenting is on and I look forward to this remaining an area of kindness and respect to each other. Self expression and self promotion are two different things, promotion isn’t really necessary here.
My first essay comes to you on Friday! In the meantime, if you’re comfortable, what is your question?
Bethany, you got me all up in my thinks and feels over here. I’m so glad you’re doing this, and I look forward to following along. I am speaking as someone who has been grieving the loss of her dreams for decades now. My career evolved into something I never envisioned, and I wouldn’t trade my life, but the grief is real. I don’t know if I have a question per se. I just wish I had known in my 20s (when the only game in town was Heat of the Night and I’ll Fly Away)—how much of this is me and how much is systemic? And you touch on that in your piece. I felt forced to accept that there was a system that I didn’t fit into. Dream denied. I’m thrilled to see that old paradigms are crumbling thanks to the workers who are in the thick of it. But the grief. Oy. Much love to you and keep on making good trouble!
Firstly, thank you for this newsletter. It's an amazing concept and much needed contribution to the community. My question is this: How do we, as actors, maintain our integrity and worth in this industry, especially in the SE market? The assumption that no one will try to negotiate above scale here, the guest star listings on the coasts offered as co-stars here, and the demand of full availabiltity throughout the shoot window even though the o/a dates are not technically allowed under the union contract for co-stars and day players. Everyone seems to be in a race to the bottom, and I want no part of that.